Goals & Ambitions

Most people define success in terms of financial status. They want to be rich if they are poor, millionaires if they are rich and billionaires if they are millionaires. My day job gives me stability and therefore, I don’t have to compromise my creativity.

I want to make films, write and stay authentic.  My artistic goals and ambitions, more often than not, make me sick with anxiety.  My life would be so much easier if I could get rid of them but who am I kidding? I wouldn't be fulfilled.   My aspirations are either mediocre or unachievable depending on who is giving me their unsolicited opinion. I don't listen to the naysayers and I'm grateful that I have something to strive for.

I have a need to share experiences and moments, ideally through film but that’s proving more challenging than I anticipated.  I don’t give up easily. The last two years I’ve been taking non-fiction writing classes at Santa Monica College, Writers Workshop Los Angeles and UCLA.  I’m ready to take this to the next level in the shape of a book, I hope to have the first draft done by this time next year.  As cliché as this may sound, for me, it’s about the journey and not the finished product. Don’t get me wrong, it is extremely satisfying seeing a film through all its stages but once it’s done, you move on to the next project.  I learn the most when I’m in the process of creating.  I have a feeling it will be the same with a book.

I want to show the abstract and express emotion in my work. I don't know if I can achieve this but I will keep trying. This is harder to do than making money. For now, I will be happy trying to get there.

My next film will be a character study based on my "Eat, Pray, Love" journey. I couldn’t afford to quit my job and travel to exotic places. My pots and pans divorce cost me a lot of money but I managed to eat my way through every restaurant in Culver City and taco truck in Eastern Los Angeles before it was trendy to do so. I prayed my way through hiking trails in Topanga, pampered myself in spas from Santa Monica to Korean Town, splurged on a membership to Equinox and had a fantastic love affair with The City of Angels. I’d like to tell this story visually and do it with a micro-budget; one actor, one camera and inexpensive sound equipment. I need to convince Teri Carson at Dizzydent Films to be my cinematographer and my good friend Karla Legaspy to play the lead since she was one of the few people I kept in touch with at this time in my life. 

I saved the quote below from one of Teri's facebook posts and revisit it when I need a dose of inspiration. 

“For Cassavetes, a film was a tool, a means to an end, not a self-contained statement. It was a practical way of recording moments and expressions, which were the real medium for him. He shied away from using the word “idea” and preferred the word “emotion” to express the content of his work. He thought ideas were the intellectualizing, the formulation of experience, whereas emotions were an immediate, instinctive and direct experience. Ideas as explanations are a step removed from actual experience, and somewhere in-between a truth is lost”.

Lucy